Uncle Buck

Buck: What time do you want me to pick you up after school?

Tia: Don't bother! I'll get a ride with friends.

Buck: No, I have my orders. What time?

Tia: Are you really this stupid? I said I would get a ride. I always get a ride.

Buck: Hey, I'll just call the school, find out what time, and meet you right here.

Tia: Go ahead, call the school. I won't be here.

Buck: Stand me up today and tomorrow I'll drive you to school in my robe and pajamas and WALK you to your first class. 4:00 okay?

---

Buck: Do you think she hates me?

Maizy: With a passion.

Buck: Really? Do you think it's the hat?

Maizy: No.

Buck: No? A lot of people hate this hat. It angers a lot of people, just the sight of it. Ah, I'll tell you a story about that on the way to school.

---

[Buck's beat-up old car pulls up]

Bug: Ever hear of a tune-up? Hee hee hee hee hee.

Buck: [Mockingly] Ah-hee-hee-hee! Ever hear of a ritual killing? Ah-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!

Bug: I don't get it.

Buck: You gnaw on her face in public like that again and you'll be one. Ah-hee-hee-hee-hee.

---

Tia: Are you crazy?

Buck: I can be.

Tia: You could have taken his head off!

Buck: Yeah, but would he notice?

---

Buck: The guy's a predator and you're his prey.

Tia: Really?

Buck: You bet.

Tia: And how would you know?

Buck: When I was his age, I was a guy zooming girls like you. Pretty face, good chip on your shoulder.

Tia: I recommend you stay out of my personal life!

Buck: Do your parents stay out of your personal life?

Tia: They don't know my personal life.

Buck: Have they met twiddle-dink?

Tia: His name is Bug.

Buck: [chuckles] First or last?

Tia: First!

Buck: What's his last name, Spray?

Tia: You should talk, "Buck."